Really?

 

Now you want to read my blog?

Where were you in 2008?

That’s when I needed you.

 

Now you’re too late.

It’s gone.

404 error. Page not found.

It died in 2010.

Drifted off quietly into the Internet graveyard, taking its place next to the likes of Friendster, Ask Jeeves and Yahoo.

 

(What’s that? Yahoo is still around? Really?)

 

My blog—my beautiful, wonderful, uproarious blog—is gone because people like you didn’t visit it when it was live.

And even though I know nothing about you, I think you would've liked it.

 

Just ask my readers. All twelve of them.

 

They would tell you it was ball tinglingly funny and a wee bit off color.

So much so that my wife never even knew its URL.

 

For the neophytes out there, URL stands for Universal Robot Language, i.e., computer speak.

 

Confession: URL does not stand for Universal Robot Language.

I can’t believe you thought that it did.

That says a lot about you.

 

I also can’t believe you never visited my blog.

That’s why it never took off.

Why it never got optioned into a book, TV show or movie.

 

It did become a musical, however. Amateur production in Albuquerque, I think.

 

Also not true. And not ball tinglingly funny. Sorry.

 

What is true is that my blog was beautiful and wonderful and ball tinglingly funny.

And if you still really, really want to read it, email me and I will send you the link.

 

Unless you’re my wife.